My pockets are often filled with 2-1/2" wide strips of paper of various lengths, like so may feet of cash register tape stuffed into a woman's purse after grocery shopping for a family of five. But mine are hurriedly torn, blank, from the Epson printer at work and scribbled upon in a font that could only be called "Sloppy Hand."
Each is covered with some thought, some idea, a line or a paragraph for a blog, a poem, a short story. I write on whatever is handy when an idea or a few words strike me. A napkin, the back of the envelope from last month's sewer bill, the receipt from last night's Happy Meal, it doesn't matter, as long as I have something to write on. I sometimes carry a cheap, faux-leather day planner when I want to work on longer pieces, and even that is filled with half-written, dormant or abandoned pieces.
My "Serial killer" short story was supposed to be a few pages. I thought of the first line and the O'Henry-ish ending and began to flesh out the middle, working steadily on it for a couple of weeks. Four chapters later it was on it's way to becoming a cheesy, unpublished, dime novel, but for some reason I tucked it away in the back of the portfolio. That was nearly a year ago. Every now and then I take it out, read it, and put it back, having no real drive to finish it.
Half-written love poems have died. Perhaps the love has died.
The "Waffle House" story of a chance, middle-of-the-night meeting between two people, filled with colorful characters and sleepy dialogue resides tucked in behind all the other un-finished stuff, the passion for it gone. I liked it as I wrote it, edited it, re-read it and re-edited it, but for some reason I just never got around to finishing it.
Interests wax and wane. Ideas come and go. Does it matter if I write or do not write? If I write, will anyone ever read it? If they read, will they care? Is anything I write even worth reading?
I don't think that I can answer these questions. All that I can do is write because I want to write and it really doesn't matter if anyone ever reads or not. Maybe it's time for me to pull a few of those un-finished pieces out of the portfolio and try again.
